I've lived in Calgary for almost 30 years now. The past nearly two years have been some of the most difficult in my life. I tried to get through it. To make it in Calgary. To find some peace. To mend. To feel whole again.
I wasn't able.
Last summer I decided I would leave Calgary. I thought if I could go somewhere that I could move around without the anxiety or the reminders I would be able to find my peace. To come to terms with what had happened and heal.
Everything was rushed at the end. I wished I had one more day to pack and clean and sort through what i would take with me and what I would throw in storage. I made a runner to the college to get the hoodie Lauren made for me and say some goodbyes. I made Alison cry. I hate to do that to her but she knows it's what I have to do. I made a runner to the recycle bin, I vacuumed, I cleaned what I could in the time I had. I felt a little bad that I wasn't able to clean more. Jason has been an absolute saint for taking me in these last 8 months. I wish great things for him and Tahnee.
I got picked up at 11:30 to have lunch with my folks one more time. I threw the last few things into a bag and chucked it in the car. My hockey bag was heavy. Easily over 120 lbs. The airline will probably hate me. I'll have to do some shuffling at the folks place.
By the time I got to the airport, I was fully exhausted. The reality of my departure hadn't sunk in yet. It felt like any other trip. It felt like I'd be back soon. I gave mom an extra long hug. It's hard to leave her. I have become more aware and more appreciative of my relationship with my mom in recent years. I try and earn a little more from her every time I see her. I know she'll miss me. When reality kicks in, I know I'll miss her too.
The flight was quick. Sitting in the emergency exit row i had plenty of room to stretch out. I also had an armrest tray which caused me to dump hot water on myself. I may have cared more but I was too busy watching the hockey game The plane erupted when Canada scored it's first goal. They also booed when the satellite feed was turned off as we were landing. A small cheer arose again when the pilot announced the 3-0 score as we began to disembark.
My hockey bag is heavy. Far more cumbersome than i had originally anticipated but I suppose these are the perils of moving on a shoe string budget with no final destination determined. The new Canada Line was brilliant. Reminded me somewhat of Japan and reinforced just how bad Calgary's transit system is. I had to switch to a bus to get to Horseshoe Bay and took in some of the joyful crowds that were celebrating Canada's win over Germany in the qualifying round of men's hockey. I had expected something a little crazier but I was a little ways down from the rink I guess.
The trip to Nanaimo was unspectacular. Traveling under the cover of darkness I didn't see a lot of things. I think by that point I was just happy to arrive at my destination and crash. Xuan gave me a massive hug when she came to pick me up. It's always nice to be engulfed in that energy. We made our way back to her pad and pretty much crashed out.
It was a long day of travel. It hasn't quite hit me yet but I've taken my first step towards a new chapter in my life. Something new. Something different. Hopefully, something better.
I wasn't able.
Last summer I decided I would leave Calgary. I thought if I could go somewhere that I could move around without the anxiety or the reminders I would be able to find my peace. To come to terms with what had happened and heal.
I got picked up at 11:30 to have lunch with my folks one more time. I threw the last few things into a bag and chucked it in the car. My hockey bag was heavy. Easily over 120 lbs. The airline will probably hate me. I'll have to do some shuffling at the folks place.
By the time I got to the airport, I was fully exhausted. The reality of my departure hadn't sunk in yet. It felt like any other trip. It felt like I'd be back soon. I gave mom an extra long hug. It's hard to leave her. I have become more aware and more appreciative of my relationship with my mom in recent years. I try and earn a little more from her every time I see her. I know she'll miss me. When reality kicks in, I know I'll miss her too.
The flight was quick. Sitting in the emergency exit row i had plenty of room to stretch out. I also had an armrest tray which caused me to dump hot water on myself. I may have cared more but I was too busy watching the hockey game The plane erupted when Canada scored it's first goal. They also booed when the satellite feed was turned off as we were landing. A small cheer arose again when the pilot announced the 3-0 score as we began to disembark.
My hockey bag is heavy. Far more cumbersome than i had originally anticipated but I suppose these are the perils of moving on a shoe string budget with no final destination determined. The new Canada Line was brilliant. Reminded me somewhat of Japan and reinforced just how bad Calgary's transit system is. I had to switch to a bus to get to Horseshoe Bay and took in some of the joyful crowds that were celebrating Canada's win over Germany in the qualifying round of men's hockey. I had expected something a little crazier but I was a little ways down from the rink I guess.
It was a long day of travel. It hasn't quite hit me yet but I've taken my first step towards a new chapter in my life. Something new. Something different. Hopefully, something better.
No comments:
Post a Comment