May showers, May flowers, mother may I, and may the Force be with you
This month has been an absolute hurricane of activity for me. So much has happened high and low but I think the way things are shaping up, if I can make some good decisions, this will shape up to be an amazing year.
Right, so, let's start with earlier this month. Everything exploded. I went from no work to being so busy I was on the cusp of more than I could chew. Fantastic. Only thing was, I had no money. Literally. Tuesday May 4th will live in infamy for me. I had less than $1.50 to my name. I couldn't afford my morning coffee. I couldn't even afford bus fare. I actually considered pawning my watch just to get a couple of bucks. I walked from home to Lonsdale Quay so I could ride the seabus into the core while praying to God that they wouldn't be checking for tickets that day. That's how I got to my afternoon meeting. It was ironic that the guys begging for change on the street actually had more actual cash than I did. It's the poorest I have ever been and I hope I never get that low again.
Being busy has been nice though. I know there will be income coming. I just need to get there. I have also been doing a number of trades which has helped with a few things. My taxes for example. I saved almost $1200.00 to get them done in exchange for some design work. There has been some debate as to whether I should transfer Traffik here or dissolve the company. I've waffled on it but in the end I think I will dissolve it. Kevin has asked me to become a partner in his new company 1000 Watts Creative and I have accepted his offer. I think we have the potential to do some really amazing creative stuff and i'm really stoked about this. I'll have to clear off my plate a little bit but I think this will be an awesome opportunity and if it goes as well as I think it can we're going to be doing really well before the year is out. There are still some details to iron out and some ducks to get in a row but I'm committing myself to this so I think Traffik will be coming to a standstill.
I flew back to Calgary in mid May for convocation. This was a big event for me. Last year, although another 50-60 kids graduated, Erin, Ted and Han from my very first 101 class graduated which made that special. This year I had another 60+ kids graduating. There are a few moments in one's life where words, and pictures just cannot describe what you are feeling. I have been told your first love, your first broken heart, your wedding day and witnessing your first born are some of them. Watching your kids graduate must be another. I honestly don't know how to describe the feeling. It's just... full. I want to burst at the seams. My face felt like it was going to split in two from smiling so big. Watching them in their caps and gowns as they crossed the stage with their degrees nearly brought me to tears. I cannot explain the pride and joy I felt knowing how hard this design program is and how hard some of these kids fought, and clawed and stressed and worked to get where they are. I am overcome with joy at their accomplishment and I am euphoric at the prospect of them going out into the world and doing great things. To know I had a small hand in helping them get here is overwhelming. Every thank you, every hug, every kind word that my kids gave me to tell me I did something right by them is beyond anything I can possibly describe. I wish big things for all of them. They may not all achieve the things they dream of but I hope some of them will rocket into the stratosphere. A few kids in particular I am especially happy for.
Lionel landed a gig in NYC. He has told me on more than one occasion that he felt I was a big contributor to his education. To me, that's a huge compliment for a kid that I believe will be far and above a better and more complete designer than I ever will be. I don't think it will take him long either.
Carrie, when she came down the stage gave me a hug and whispered to me that she got an art director job. For a student that struggled mightily in my third year info design class with bringing her ideas together cohesively both conceptually and aesthetically, this was a huge accomplishment. Carrie and I also butted heads a lot in class. At the time her typography wasn't particularly strong and her projects, although trying very hard to have something unique to it just didn't have that finish, unity and finesse to be considered a really good project even by student work standard. I think that pissed her off a lot. In her defence, they were learning typography at the same time they were in my class and to her credit she really turned it out in the last three semesters. I looked at some of her final projects and the typography was leaps and bounds from where it was in my class. I think it would have been easy for her to say, "fuck you Teak" and carry on being a below average designer. Whether it was out of spite, a genuine revelation or just a determination to get better, she did and I am really proud that she got an art director position.
This was also a girl who called me out at the end of the year because she felt I was playing favourites and voiced her opinion on behalf of a few other students who apparently also felt the same thing. I have always appreciated her telling me so. I knew it might be a possibility and as much as I tried to be aware of it I apparently did and to know that was invaluable in my education of being an instructor. I think that day she was looking for a fight but I didn't give her one. She was right and I didn't see it. She called me out and I was good with that. In my eyes, that's big straight out of school and although I don't know how much influence I may have had in stoking that fire, I'd like to think that I played my part. I remember telling her that day that my job is to make her the best possible designer she can be and if that means the honest truth hurts, it's going to hurt a lot less in school than out there in the real world where a surly creative director or client could tear you a new one and get downright personal with some of their criticism. I really wanted her to know that as much as she may have felt I was stomping a mud hole in her projects I was honestly trying to make her better by demanding a higher calibre of work. It may not have seemed it sometimes but I was working for her, not against her. I hope she realized that.
Caitlin was one of my photo kids I taught her during her second year. Now, the photo class was a bit tricky because I think historically, most of the kids went into the class thinking, we're photographers, why the hell do we need to know this stuff? As a B.Des program where the majority will be working with designers and agencies at some point it's important for them to understand where we're coming from, how we problem solve and that this same process can help them as well. Caitlin pulled me aside at the pub after convocation and said to me that she really appreciated what I did for her and for me to compliment her on how much improvement I saw in her work especially from a presentation standpoint was a major compliment to her. I have to tell you the first few projects I got from Caitlin were near disasters. She had no real sense of presentation and even her photography work was a little scary in it's presentation. She made big strides in that regard and to hear that from her was... emotional. I hope she goes on to do big things.
These are just a few of the stories I could tell from grad. My cup runneth over. I couldn't be prouder of what these kids have accomplished. Go find your place in the world and blow up a giant crater sized mark that everyone can see.
I had purposely made my trip short to reduce the amount of time I spent in Calgary and reduce the chances of me running in to the ex. I must have ben so obsessed with the notion that I musthave manifested it. I passed her on the street downtown on Friday morning. I don't think she saw mw but I went numb and the first thought that went through my head was, "fuck. She looks good." I think my recent pudging out bothered me and to see her look as good as she did was a crappy pill to swallow. I was numb for a few hours. The good news is, I didn't fall apart or have a melt down. That's a sign of improvement. I think once I get out of debt and begin manifesting my own successes I will be able to move on. I have some work to do but I'm on the track and I'm running.
I wasn't sure I'd get to see Lukas but I was happy to be able to spend a little time with him. He's growing up quickly. I was happy for the few hours I got to see and play with him. I'd lost most of my photos of him when my software updated (I'll get to that in a sec) so I snapped a bunch of pics of him so I had some. I didn't get the opportunity to see too many people in cowtown but I was happy that I was able to see some people. I miss some of them dearly. You know who you are.
Flying back to Vancouver was a relief. I could feel some of my anxiety building back up. It had, after all, only been three months that I had been away. On some level it feels like I've been away longer and on some level it feels shorter. Either way, Vancouver is where I'm putting my feet down and although I feel very homeless right now, I hope that I will figure out where home is soon. For now, Van City is where it's at and I plan on leaving my crater sized mark here.
I had recently upgraded to Snow Leopard with the arrival of my new CS5 software and in the process about 6000 photos dating back to May of last year vanished. it's a complete and utter mystery. Even if they got erased some trace of data should have remained when data recovery software was run through it but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was like a giant cyber black hole had opened up and swallowed it. I've lost data before like music and work files and those things are replaceable for the most part. photographs and memories, on the other hand, are not. Some photos I will not miss but some like the earlier photos of Lukas, and grad from last year are irreplaceable and I am heartbroken that they are gone. The only solace I can take is that some of them were uploaded to Facebook and I will have to spend some time downloading the low rez versions back to my drive. Because of space and memory issues I had purchased an external hard drive to put all of my music and photos on and I had thought that the time machine backup system I had in place was backing up that external drive as well. Apparently I was mistaken. I'm making peace with this loss and, hard lesson learned, I will begin making duplicate backups so that this doesn't happen again. Ah technology... one good magnetic pulse and the world can come to a grinding halt...
May is coming to a close and although financially I'm really strapped the future looks really bright (insert 1000 Watts lightbulb joke here). I will be manifesting my dreams and I feel really good about the future. It's been a really long time since I have been able to say that. Ther is a lot of work ahead of me but in time I hope that I will find the right work/life balance and begin enjoying life again. I'm already starting to. Now if I can just get that motorcycle I want this summer we can start there...
Reason to smile today: I am thankful for the many blessings in my life. Especially those people who have helped and supported me the last couple of years.
Something I learned today: I need to make some more money so I can afford basics. So, I should really start cutting back on the freebies and trades.
